Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
