He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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