and you said cock pushups were impossible
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
