you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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