my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
