i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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