I haven't been this sober since birth.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
