They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
