Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
