I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She bit a glass in half.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
