Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
