I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She needs sedatives and a leash
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
