Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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