just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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