Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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