I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
