Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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