I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
