We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
