everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
