Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
