I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My first STD was from a foam party
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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