You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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