xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
