I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize