she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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