The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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