**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
