The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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