No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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