I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
