I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
