I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize