you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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