"it" just moved
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Couch. On fire.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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