nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
