Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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