Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
