the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
