Need sex. Gaining weight.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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