Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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