She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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