it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
