Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
