id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
