1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
