We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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