Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
