did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
