i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
