Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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