i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
