my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize