I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just gargled with NyQuil
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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