i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
