We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
