Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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