he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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