I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
