You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
