Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
