I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize