I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
