didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
