it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize